1. Resolution SPIN (Spinner Products Indefinitely Negated)
A resolution to ban and get rid of fidget spinners completely. Honestly, they’re more of a distraction than anything. They were fun for maybe two weeks, and then they became passé. It’s time to say goodbye, fidget spinners.
2. Resolution TOAST (Terms Officiating Avocado Stays off of Things)
The most controversial resolution of the century. We are in dire need of a resolution to put an end to the avocado trend. I will always support guacamole. I’ll even support putting avocado on toast, but I will not support the people drinking coffee out of avocados. It’s gone too far.
3. Resolution DAB (Dissolving Absurd Body language)
This is possibly the most-needed resolution of our time. I don’t know how dabbing started, but it needs to end as soon as it began. It’s almost 2018, yet people are still dabbing. Please, let’s all agree to get rid of dabbing forever.
4. Resolution SPORK (Standards Protecting Our Regular Kitchenware)
Have you met a single person that uses a spork? I know I haven’t. Sporks are a great concept, but, in reality, they’re so useless. They’re being made just to never be used. I’m sorry, sporks, but it’s time for a resolution that puts an end to this sad fork/spoon hybrid.
5. Resolution SLIME (Specifications Limiting Irksome Malleable Elements)
Oh, slime. We’ve seen you all over social media. You’ve had your moment of fame, but now it’s gotten old. Some people have started paying large sums of money for nothing but colored goo. I think it’s time for a resolution to officially get rid of this trend.
