The following story is an anonymous submission from Glenbrook South High School, Glenview, Il. This is part of the MUNecdotes series, which gives members of the Model United Nations community the opportunity to share their personal experiences and stories.
After a let down from a sports tryout in my junior year, I felt determined to try something new. Sports had been my life, but now it was time for me to find a new passion. At the same time, the election was in high gear and I started to pay more attention to what was going on domestically and internationally, so I joined Model UN. Although I did enjoy my first few Model UN conferences, I found that other delegates in my committees and even my own team members were very cutthroat. I was constantly questioned why I wasn’t winning or why I even kept coming to meetings, but I continued because I found it very interesting. Due to being plagued by criticisms, I always went into the a conference with a negative outlook. At my last conference of the year, I decided to put all that aside and try my best without worrying what others think. I remember how nervous I was and how I kept doubting myself until I made that first speech.
I stuttered at first, but I gradually became more confident. With every moderated caucus, I kept trying to talk about my ideas and form blocs with other strong delegates in the committee. I began drafting a working paper with a delegate seated right beside me, and created substantial and detailed clauses to combat the topic of the committee. As the session progressed, I started leading unmoderated caucuses and became a big presence within the room. Up until the second unmod, I felt important and supported by the delegates I was working with, but it all changed when some members of my bloc called me sexually demeaning names. I was determined to brush it off while in committee, but after committee ended that night, I felt numb with shock, with no idea how to handle this situation.
The next day, I got up early to write some clauses to get a head start; I was ready to bring my ideas to the table. I showed two delegates I had been working with a clause about separating men and women in refugee camps, with the intent of protecting women from rape. They belittled it, calling it a “feminazi” clause. I found this appalling, given the fact that rape is a sensitive topic and should not be dealt with lightly. Even though I was doing the same or more work as my partners, their actions made me feel insecure about my abilities. As committee progressed, my bloc partners started making jokes behind my back, making me feel uncomfortable and unwanted. At one point, both of them put their arms around me non-consensually, and my face fell into my hands, visibly demonstrating my discomfort. I became anxious to the point where I didn’t make a speech for the rest of the conference. Their physical and verbal dominance had a profound effect on me, but I was scared to tell anyone because I wanted to remain a sponsor on the resolution and continue to be a part of committee.
My bloc partner ended up winning best delegate, smiling like he didn’t realize his actions ruined my weekend and my pride in my abilities. After the conference, it took some time before I could come to my senses and realize that this problem could happen to other girls if it wasn’t brought to light. I approached my (very supportive) advisors and we decided to write an email to the school where my bloc partner went, as well as to the conference itself. Both responded with profound apologies and promises to take action. Reaching out to the advisors made me feel like I was truly making an impact; I could protect another teenage girl like myself from experiencing sexual harassment.
It took me the whole summer to recover, and I decided to continue doing MUN the next year. At my first conference of the year, I walked in and immediately saw my harasser standing with his school. Panicked, I went to the bathroom and recomposed myself: I wasn’t about to let this boy dictate my mindset and I wouldn’t let him make me feel subhuman again. I worked hard in my committee, pushed my own boundaries, and hoped for the best results. As we entered closing ceremonies, I sat next to my best friends on the team knowing that they would support me no matter what. They began to announce awards for my committee, one after the other, awards were called and I was scared I didn’t win anything. They called my name for best delegate and I excitedly rushed up to the stage. After receiving my award, I looked back at the crowd and saw him sitting in the audience. I smiled, proud of my own personal growth and the fact that I refused to allow someone like him to stand between my goals and me; his actions were horrific but nevertheless, I persisted.
